"We Are Family"

In the past four weeks, I've been home twice. The first time I went was for a funeral for my Great Aunt. The second time I went was to celebrate my mother's birthday! Both trips were a learning experience.

Every family is jacked up in some kind of way. My family on my dad's side is just fake...simply put. The only person I can really count on, the only consistent person on my dad's side, is my Uncle. Of all of my Uncle's he's my favorite uncle but he's just awesome in every way. lol When I get old, I'm going to take care of him...but enough about all of that. So, when I went home for the funeral, my cousins came out, my dad came out and then was everyone else. It had been placed on my heart to tell everyone that they suck because my uncle had been taking care of everything and everyone and he had little to no help. In addition, he was the only one working (as an assistant principal) and going to school (for his doctorate) and taking care of my aunt (who is a handful). so, at the point where I realized my uncle is burned out and ready to quit stuff and is just exhausted, I was frustrated at everyone else because my aunt wasn't just his aunt but all of their aunt. Then, my question is, what happens after she passes? Will the family forever split?

Anywho, I didn't have to say anything because the pastor who did the funeral was also a cousin and he called the family out. So I was like, SCORE! While I was frustrated and needed to say it, I didn't want to so God gave me an out. lol After the funeral, everyone went over to my uncle's house and hung out. Again, my dad's side of the family (all 10 of them) are fake so there were hugs and kisses and I love you's and such and I thought, I will give them another chance...another chance to prove me wrong - that's where my "490: It's a Number's Game" blog came from. Now, fast forward to this past week's trip...

I hadn't been home in about a year. When I left, I left with excitement and joy. I kept in touch with my family every now and again but I was free. In this year away though, God did a lot of surgery on my heart and mind and a lot of reasons why I wanted to get away were understood, explained and reconciled. Also, being away, who I am was established. I never really fit in with the family (so to speak) so there was this quest of who I really am and I got that in this year. All that to say, when I went home, I went home a different person than when I left. I was so excited to see my family and had a blast! Things that used to be a conflict weren't a conflict and we all just enjoyed each others' company. Leaving and coming back to my new home was a bittersweet moment.

Another thing that happened is when I was home for the funeral, one of my relatives and I exchanged numbers and they suggested we get together for lunch or something when I was to come back for my mother's b-day. I'm all for it, we move from now and leave the past in the past right? So, when home, they sent me a text about something and I responded letting them know how long I would be in town. Now, knowing their track record, I had an expectation but I was also expecting them to prove me wrong and (drumroll please) they proved me right. Am I upset? No; you learn to love people for who they are and if/when they decide to change, then you roll with it...490 right?

My idea of family has changed in these past few weeks. I've learned to love my family harder and with more passion. Each day with them and apart makes me appreciate them all the more and recognized how blessed I am to be connected to them forever. I can't wait for the next time that I am home!

490: It's a Number's Game

I have been thinking about my father and the relationship that we have, as opposed to the one we had or I'd hope we'd have, and I keep hearing "490." Jesus said that we are to forgive our brother 70X7 times...that equals 490. Now me being me, I'm already questioning whether it'd be ok to keep count? lol A rebuttal: When Jesus forgives us, it has been throwing into the sea of forgetfulness...does He keep count? Think about it.

So, 490...70 X 7. I did a little research and found that the number 70 deals with a time of judgment against God's people - or the punishment and restoration of Israel. The number 7 is the number of perfection and spiritual completeness. So, in forgiving someone you have an immediate judgment upon the offender. You may think of many things to do to "punish" them but there is a restoration period where all goes back to the way it was before the offense. Now, that doesn't mean be stupid...wisdom will let you recognize someone's true character and respond to who they are. Honestly, knowing and accepting who a person is and not for who you want them to be makes it easier to forgive them of certain things that you would have initially gone 0 to 60 about. When you are in this cycle of "punishment/judgment" and restoration, your forgiveness is perfect and complete. The word restoration means, "

a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition." That means, all goes back to normal...perfect and complete.

Now, you may be wondering, why should I have to keep forgiving a person though? Like, why are we going in circles? A circle is made of 360 degrees. 360 is broken down into 180 and 2, 60 and 6 and can also be broken into 120 and 3, among other divisions.

• 180 and 2 -we know that 180 degrees is a straight line. What you may not have known is that the number two is connected with separation, things that are divided or things that bring about division. 180 can be further broken down into 18 and 10. The number 18 deals with bondage while the number 10 deals with completeness that happens in a divine order or completed during a course of time. Your bondage plus God's order will put you on the straight and narrow path, your bondage can become your testimony but if you are double minded, don't have your mind made up completely, then you'll find yourself walking in 360 degree circles.
  
• 60 and 6 - The number 60 is associated with the sin of pride and conceit. The number 6 deals with the weakness of man and the manifestation of sin; human labor - secular completeness. Your own pride will keep you bound by your own thoughts, thinking you know it all until you get trapped but won't put your pride aside to ask for help which keeps you going in 360 degree circles. Spinning in sin.
• 120 and 3 - The number 120 is in reference to a divine probation period. The number 3 deals with approval, viewing things within its entirety, and things that have become solid and complete. Sometimes God will bring you back to different things to see how you will handle them a second time around, hence the divine probation period but when you have shown Him that you've mastered that thing, there's approval and it is shown that you have become solid and complete in that area. If you have not mastered that thing, it will also be noted as you are being viewed in your entirety - from your thoughts to your heart to your actions.

So, why do you keep coming back around to having to deal with this concept of forgiveness? Maybe because you are double minded...trying to walk a line of righteousness but remaining divided from God. Or, maybe it's due to your own pride and conceit. You feel like you shouldn't have to say this and that and that they should apologize and they owe you this and that...and you find yourself walking in circles. Or, maybe because God just wants to make sure that you are pure through and through and is testing that. Whenever you purchase something that is to be of great value, you'll always inspect it or test it out to be sure you're getting the real deal...the same goes for what God wants out of us...purity, clarity, quality and efficiency. Whatever it may be, it's easier to have a forgiving 490 mindset than to have 490 + 10 years of kicking and screaming, + 2 years of hatred and bitterness + 3 years of trying to get rid of the hatred and bitterness +1 year of tears + ... = a life of confusion, frustration and turmoil.

So, as I conclude this blog, I find myself thinking about my relationship with my dad again. While I am not happy about what I am learning, as I have done for others, I am learning to deal with him for who he is and not who I want him to be and to give him 490...instead of me doing 360s.