Out of Body

Yesterday, before writing, I had to chuckle to myself because I always do things prophetically without knowing that I'm doing them until I go back latter and have an, OH MY moment. lol Or better yet, He's working through me to speak to me.

Let's take this blog for example. When I started it, I was still a babe in Christ, actually creating this blog to have a release and mini-venting space. This blog was not so much about God as it was to break away from what I felt was binding; hence the URL: boxbreaking. Though I had new friends, new concepts of life, people were still putting me in a box...making assumptions about who they thought I was. My Pastor said one Sunday, "I will never let someone put me in a box. I will dye my hair blue before I let someone put me in a box." That's how I began to feel...STOP PUTTING ME IN A BOX! The fact of the matter is, though, people can only box you in with what you give them which meant that I had to change...I had to break the box! So, in breaking the box, I'd be in a new dimension of life...something on another level - hence, the title of this blog.

So, I created a blog about breaking out of the box and experiencing life on a whole other level long before I became a minister...long before I agreed to be the director of a ministry...long before I decided to walk in my calling which is on a completely different level than where I was a year ago! I've broken many boxes and am still working on breaking others for the sake of the kingdom...as well as myself. So, yes, I laughed when I prepared to write yesterday because He/I did it again, spoke the future from the present. He gave me a hint into the direction of my life and I appreciate Him for these moments.

Welp, have a great day folks! Keep your eyes and ears open because He's speaking! :)

Alive

Travis Greene has a song called Alive that I absolutely love. Here are the lyrics:

Ah ah ah...
I'm alive in You
I'm alive in You
Oooooooooooh
I'm alive in You

In You I live and move and
Have my being
So I'm alive
I'm alive in You
(repeat)

Wake up to see the dawning
Of a brand new day
The sun is
Shining brighter than the day before
I'm in love with You so much more
And every time I seek Your face
I'm reminded of Your saving grace
In Your presence I stand amazed
And I'm in awe of Your Beauty and all of Your ways
I've nothing else to say
So here's the highest praise

Hallelujah!
I'm alive in You!
Hallelujah!
I'm alive in You! (repeat 5x)
I'm alive in You!
I'm alive in You!

I live to worship You, Lord!
I live to worship You, Lord!
I live to worship You, Lord!
I live, I live in You!
(repeat 3x)

Hallelujah!
I am alive in You!
Hallelujah!
I am alive!
Yes, I am alive!
OOOOOOOOOH
I am alive!
I'm alive in You!

The song is so beautiful and so pretty and while I loved it before this past weekend, I love it all the more now!

This weekend, in conjunction with May 29th, has been so monumental. On May 29th, I was ordained as a licensed minister! My family came down for the Ordination Ceremony at church and it was a great time of fellowship and elevation. So many things shifted in my life with that elevation and it's all for the better.

This past weekend, June 12th, was Pentecost Sunday. I didn't know there was such a day but, as Pastor began his message, I was informed rather quickly. Pentecost Sunday is all fine and dandy except for the fact that he was preaching from Acts where the Holy Ghost fell on the peoples and they all began to speak in other tongues. Why is that a problem? Because I had been wanting to have such manifestation in my life for years and all of the different services where people would say, "The Holy Spirit is in this room! Pray in your heavenly language. If you haven't spoken in tongues, this can be your day...just ask Him to fill you," didn't amount to anything. So, I'm listening to this message pretty sure of what was to happen...everyone will speak in tongues, some new folks will be filled with the Holy Spirit and here I am, Minister, still without the manifestation of tongues. Furthermore, I really struggled with the concept of having the Holy Spirit because I didn't speak in tongues. While I know that tongues is the manifestation of the Holy Spirit, I couldn't wrap my mind around having Christ live on the inside of me without the evidence that He does.

As Pastor was wrapping up his message, I was fully prepared to worship God but not really push to have that manifestation because it didn't happen before and I really didn't feel like being let down. Now, I'm not sure if it was him saying, "It's not enough to carry God inside of you...," validating that is very well living inside of me even though I don't have the evidence or if it was him saying, "Why not today? Pentecost Sunday? Why not say, 'I have nothing to lose and everything to gain?' And some of you all's problem is really just doubt," but I decided to really give it another try. To save time, I was filled with the Holy Spirit that Sunday! While I was definitely excited, I was mostly humbled. I mean, I had the most negative, doubtful attitude prior to and God decided to fill me with His spirit nonetheless! Yea, I cried like a baby and had mixed emotions. While I was elated, I was also feeling quite penitent. 14 people were baptized with the Holy Ghost that day and it was ridiculously amazing to have experienced that.

Since Sunday, the song mentioned above, has gained a deeper meaning! Outside of God, His presence, His will, His way, live is horrible! Compare my life before and after Christ, the latter is so much greater! Truth be told, there wasn't too much before Christ that I completely enjoyed and had a hard time giving up. My hardest struggle was breaking an addiction and no one wants to be addicted...I mean, you have no control over self. But now, now that I have Christ and He's overflowing in me, I smile just to think that He decided to get comfortable. Every second of my existence is through Him and I am humbled to be a carrier of God...to take Him wherever I go. I'm carrying precious cargo and have to make sure that I don't find myself in a position to be robbed, mugged, hoodwinked or bamboozled. I have to protect it at all costs but most of all, give in to His spirit and allow myself to be led by Him in all that that means!

I'm alive!

Here's a link to the song: http://youtu.be/RTZladDzMRM.

The Mind

Last night I had the most random dream...well, it wasn't as much random as weird. In my dream I people disappeared, cars disappeared, new people appeared, items grew and it happened without notice. I woke wondering how I continually changed what was happening in my dream. I mean, at the point where there was a dangerous situation, my brothers appeared out of nowhere, them being protectors and military, I wonder if I subconsciously dreamt them up to protect me.

The mind is sooooo complex. There's so much subconscious behind a lot of things we say and do and I couldn't help think about what subconscious things lied underneath the reformation of my dream....that's all. lol

~Charity Faith~

Waffles and Spaghetti

I often hear people say that they want to pick my brain...get in my head and honestly, that is a dangerous place to be. One of three things is happening in my head at all times: a concert, a philosophical conversation with self or a sermon ( more like a whole church service)! Today, I sang No Other Choice by Tye Tribbett, Order My Steps (circa 1657), My Faith Is In You, among other things. lol Anywho, I figured I would just blog my thoughts so that you can see what happens. (LOL- thoroughly amused by this)

I had a conversation once with a psychology major about the way men and women think. He said women's thoughts are like spaghetti and men's like waffles. The idea being that when women think, one thought leads into another, into another, into another and guys hop from topic to topic like waffle squares. I think my brain is a mix between spaghetti and waffles.

Picture this: there's a big belgium waffle, nice and golden, crisp around the edges but still mildly fluffy, topped with naked spaghetti noodles; my thoughts would be the syrup. The syrup would first touch a spaghetti noodle...I'm rolling along with a thought, which leads to another connected thought and then another one before the syrup starts to collect in a waffle square. That's when I find a thought to explore and converse about because it must be discussed. After the waffle square fills up, it flows over into another square but the thing is that I have a choice to either go with this new square OR follow another avenue of drizzling syrup! ...Are you confused yet? (I would just like to let you know that I am thoroughly entertained at the thought of you trying to figure this out OR those who have left the page already! LMBO) To put it simply, my brain rambles, even connecting a three things (song, philosophy and sermon) sometimes, and I manage life by choosing which thought to give attention to.

I once read that what gets Christians in trouble is not having control over our minds, that we have let our minds wander and wonder for so long that we have entertained things that we probably shouldn't have entertained. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says that our weapon comes in controlling our mind and casting down any thought that exalts itself above the knowledge of God. That means, we should not just let our minds wander from thought to thought...we have to bring some thoughts into captivity. (that's my sermon mind, p.s.)

Some things are worth thinking about though. For example, sweating in the shower. Some people talk about taking showers that are really hot and staying in there for a million years. I've taken really hot showers and if it's too hot, and I'm in there too long, I begin to sweat; which is completely contradictory to my showering! I'm just saying, if we were running, or cooking, or washing the car, or exercising and started sweating we'd say, "UGH! I'm so sweaty! I need to take a shower." Well, if sweat is not ok outside of the shower, it shouldn't be okay in the shower...OR...is sweat perfectly ok? Are we making it out to be such a big deal? I mean, sweat is our body releasing fluids to cool us down...what makes us dirty is what we were doing that caused us to sweat, so is the sweat really "bad?" I mean, personally, I don't like sweating, period! If I'm exercising, I'm done if I break a sweat...it feels icky! The best thing about sweating is getting in the car after a sweat and rolling down the windows and riding around, that is the coolest breeze EVER! It's like organic AC and it's free!

Speaking of AC and free (this a spaghetti moment becoming a waffle moment) why is gas $4.05?!?!? Like seriously?!?!? I need to the saints to raise their faith and pray these gas prices down! Maybe I should try walking around the gas pump 7 times before pumping like they did with the wall of Jericho. I have to drive about 60 miles total going to church and I go about 4 times out of the week. Gas prices are going up but my paycheck hasn't!!! I'm going to have to skype church or something! But seriously, these gas prices are ridiculous! I remember being in the back of the car and my dad griping about gas going up to a dollar and thirteen cent. Dude, I WISH I could get gas for a $1.13. I'm seriously considering getting a bike so I can ride around town at home and just use my car for when I need it. I've been thinking about ways to cut down my costs to have more money for gas and I'm not too sure what else can be cut!

Anyway, I wouldn't stop going to church. I'd stop eating to have gas to go to church before I stopped going. I'd be on a permanent, might I add involuntary, fast! hahaha My church is awesome! I have a great Pastor, my brothers and sisters are amazing and everyone sticks together. I've never really understood love, or knew what it looked like, until I attended this church. I am always excited the night before church, the day of church or leaving church to come to church again. Now if you only knew; I was baptized in 2008, so church is a fairly new thing to my life but I love it, mostly Him, so much! My life is so much better in His hands!

Welp, I could go on and on and on but I guess I'll find more productive things to do. If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this and understand how my mind works. Honestly, there's more to the madness but that would just drive you crazy...I only have my mind because HE kept it! *praise break*

I'll holla!

~Charity Faith~

Touch the Sky

My brother graduated from the Air Force last month. It was in Texas and I was excited because I'd never been to Texas but I was nervous because I had never flown by myself before. I was sure that I was going to end up stranded somewhere for the weekend because I got lost in the airport.

I was dropped off at the airport and as I sat there waiting to board the plane, I found myself observing the people around. Most of them looked fairly unpleasant as they waited. When it was time to board, we walked down a flight of stairs and onto the asphalt. I saw the little 50ish passenger plane and thought, "Oh no! I remember all that my mom has said about these planes...she hates these planes! She refuses to ride on them and says that you can feel every bit of turbulence on them. OOOOOOOOOH MY!" I didn't too much have a choice so I boarded.

The only thing I really wanted was the window seat. Luckily that's the seat that I had. I was sitting next to a business man who was with a group of other business men in their blue button up shirts, ties and suit jackets. They made some inside office joke and laughed. I found myself looking out of the window, watching the men in yellow jackets make sure everything was on the plane. When the plane started moving I thought, "Anyone who can drive a plane in reverse has mad whip skills!" I later learned that the plane is pushed back by a crew on another machine. lol
All the while the stewardesses were giving us instructions, I was thinking about taxiing. How do they know which lane to pick? How do they know how much time to wait before laying on the gas and taking flight after the plane before it? I got the important parts though - the oxygen mask will fall in front of my face, put it on before helping Mr. Business Man. If we crash into water, my seat cushion is a floatation device. I'm good! They eventually sat down and we finished taxiing preparing for take off.

The anticipation built as we waited to move. Then the pilot put his foot on the gas and we went from a slow roll to a really fast pace and before you knew it, the tires were coming off of the ground. I looked straight ahead to see the angle at which we were ascending and then back out of the window. The earth is so beautiful. There were green trees, hills, mountains, rivers winding through the landscape. It was beautiful; the sun glistened off of the water, the birds soared through the sky.I couldn't help but to think of the magnitude of God. I mean, He created this whole world, this is His artwork. What was even more amazing is that the same God who created such a beautiful world also created me. In fact, I am the masterpiece. Psalms 139:14 says, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." The Bible never talks about how great the earth is but it does say that it shall pass away. On the other hand, my soul is eternal. Two things, created by the great Creator, fashioned in the same hands and while I am very small on a global scale, I am very big/important to God.

As we ascended, we landed among the clouds. They were so big and fluffy! It was almost like being in Honey, I Shrunk The Kids and we got lost in the toiletry bin. We would fly through a cloud and experience a little turbulence due to the change is pressure but when we come out, it's like a wonderland of cotton! All I wanted to do was bounce from fluff to fluff, stretch out on one of them and look at the stars. Yes, yes; I know they wouldn't hold my weight but that didn't keep me from wanting to feel it. Then I thought about heaven. I know there are streets paved with gold and gates of pearl but will we sleep on clouds? Will we ever experience the clouds first hand? I guess it won't matter too much then, we'll be caught up in seeing Jesus n'em!

We eventually got to Memphis and I thought back to what my friend told me, "Find the terminal and then find the gate." As soon as I came out of the tunnel I found my flight on the screen and walked as fast as I could to get to where I needed to be. Needless to say, I made it. I grabbed a bite to eat and some goodies to take on the plane. This one was a lot bigger. I had the window seat again and I shared a row with two older ladies who were sisters. They were going to visit one of their sons in San Antonio. They were so cute! The one closest to me had onion breath and I knew my friend would die to see her in a white coat before Easter. When I had my Zune out, she asked me questions about the touchscreen capabilities, wireless internet, etc.

I was so tired from the night before that I practically passed out when I was able to put in my headphones. I woke up at one point and looked out of the window and the sky was crystal clear. There was a rainbow of color from the green ground, some orange, yellow and blue, up to the black night sky. It was amazing! Even better was the little storm cloud off in the distance. It stood by itself...there were no other clouds near it at all. From above you could tell that it was full of water just as much as seeing it from below. It appeared small enough to hold in the palm of my hand and watch it light up like a toy. The lightening made the cloud flicker colors of orange and blue. I've never felt closer to God than when I was flying. It was like I was experiencing through world from His point of view...having a chance to smile at the things He smiles at.

Coming in to San Antonio was beautiful. I do not like rollercoasters but I enjoyed the descending. We would drop and then accelerate, level out and then drop again, accelerate and then level out. The closer we got to the ground, the brighter the lights became until you were able to make distinctions between buildings, cars and street lights. Most importantly, I was excited to see my family.

While my one brother is graduating from the Air Force, his twin had just come home from Afghanistan and I hadn't seen him in over a year. Our planes dropped us off at two different spots of the airport but when we found each other there were hugs and kisses and comments about size and hair and all the things that have changed since the last time we were all together. I know this moment was most special for mom because this was the first time in over a year that all of her children were at the same place at the same time.

This weekend I realized how close my brothers and I have become. I asked the Marine if he purposely put me in window seats because I liked them and he said, "No. It's a safety factor. I learned that the window seats are the most safe and the seats that are 1-2 rows behind the exit in the middle of the plane." When I thought about it, that's exactly where I sat on the planes - a window seat 1-2 rows behind the exit window. My brother was protecting me without me knowing it. I often call them my big little brothers and they call me their little big sister. They stand at least 6 ft. They always walk beside me, most times we link arms, but they're like my body guards. We look out for each other no matter what and we never have a conversation without saying "I love you." I love my brothers until the end of time.

Someone once asked me, considering the fact that my brother was in Afghanistan, how I dealt with him being over there and not worrying whether he would make it home or if he would have his sanity. At the time I couldn't think of anything except that I talk to him enough to know he's the same person that left. I thought about it more that weekend - because I do not get to talk to them all of the time I think about what it would be like to never speak to them again, for the down time to become reality. It is then when I appreciate the fact that they are still alive and love them that much more. We, as humans, do not appreciate the lives of others as much as we should and when they're gone, we have regrets.

Anywho, while watching my Airman become an Airman and sitting next to the Marine I thought about how proud I was of them. They've come into their own...found their place in the world. There's nothing greater than really finding that place where you fit. Looking at them made me reflect on my life and how we're all adults. My little brothers are now my little men...and not so little, actually.

I was really sad to leave when it was all over. The three of us hadn't been together in over a year and I felt a love that I hadn't felt before and I had to walk away from it. The Airman said when he gets leave he's picking up the Marine and they're road tripping to my house. You have no idea the foolishness that goes down when the three of us are together. It's hilarity to the max!

I got to the airport extremely early and there were a lot of people in fatigue sitting with loved ones before their flight left. The one thing I'll never forget is when the silence was interrupted by a little girl screaming, "Bye Daddy! Daddy, bye! BYE DADDY!!!" She had to be about 3 or 4 years old. She stood there with her brothers waving their American flags. Their mother stood behind them sobbing lightly as they say goodbye to their husband and father. He turns around and waves and then disappears into the tunnel. There was 3 seconds of silence before the little girl cried, "DAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYY!!!!" The mom crouches down to console her and whisper words of comfort. In the moment, I thought about how hard it was for them to say goodbye to the man of their house but in retrospect, it had to be harder for him to hear his little girl cry for him and not being able to go back. I wondered if that's what my brothers' families will have to go through.

The whole way home I was consumed with the thought of life. Am I where I want to be? Have I accomplished all that I could have up to this point? I'm in my mid-twenties...am I in position to buy a car, a house, enter into a marriage? Do my behaviors and actions reflect that of a woman in her mid-twenties? I finally came to the conclusion that despite whatever shortcomings and things I need to work on, I am content with where I am. Furthermore, I purpose to walk in the will of God so my steps are ordered. I've never felt so close to God than when I was in the sky and reflecting on His majesty. I must remember, no matter what it looks like, whatever "it" may be, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Some say the sky is the limit but I've already touched the sky...my height in Him is limitless.

~Charity Faith~

The Author and Finisher of My Faith

It's been a year since the last time I blogged. I created this blog to release frustration...to talk about things that I was going through because I didn't have anyone to talk to them about in person - everyone was suspect. Reading the previous blogs, it's obvious how much I've changed.

Pastor preached a sermon called, It's My Time (from 1 Samuel 1:26-28). He mentioned that Hannah was barren because God had closed up her womb. He said sometimes we aren't producing because God put a stop to it...He shut us up. His shutting us up is a good thing because we may be birthing in a season when we aren't quite right and the atmosphere for which we birth sets up the growth of this spiritual baby. So, it's a good thing but God never took away the desire to birth...or the anointing, power, gifts, etc.

In this year between blogs, I have gone through so much that I don't have enough space, time or energy to explain. Let's just say, I've gone through the wilderness, confronted a couple of pains, cleaned out a couple of wounds, laid on many altars, cried so many tears, lost loved ones, gained new ones, dealt with forgiveness...or the lack thereof, went through grief and realizing the reality of it all and then dealing with a calling to ministry. In a previous blog, I stated that I am a natural born writer. It's true, I was born to write. I was born to write because I am to tell my story through my words. Furthermore, I am called to preach and teach and I have to be able to effectively write up sermons and such that it will reach those who are lost. If I had went along with this blog in the time that I started it, it would have been full of bitterness, anger, resentment and a bunch of other deadly, poisonous things. Now that I am in a new place in life, the words that I write will be directed more toward life. I promise that these words will touch your heart beyond belief...they've touched mine! I have so many journals and each time I reread a journal it touches me as if I didn't write it.

I am beyond excited to write and share what God has given me to share OR to simply give you bits and pieces of my testimony. Today was a day that was really difficult as my brothers and I are dealing with family issues and I literally had to press into His presence. I sing on the praise team and instead of singing the songs we rehearsed, we sang He's Able by Darwin Hobbs and I Made It by Meaghan Williams. I needed these songs so much because it was a raise of faith to know that God will handle all of my issues, heartaches, pains, insecurities, finances, meals...He's Able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we could ever ask or think. And serving notice to the devil, I MADE IT and IT'S OVER! I refuse to let him continue to try to put me into depression or anger or bitterness or unforgiveness or doubt. My God is big enough and that settles it!

After shouting until my throat hurt and dancing until my chest felt like it was burning, I was out of breath and my legs felt like rubber, praising God for just being who He is and lifting the burden of family issues, etc., Pastor handed me my minister's license. That really sealed the deal. It sealed my faith, my calling, my walk, my tears, my prayers, my pain, my studying...none of it was in vain. It's my time and I was born for this! I will forever press to get into the presence of God for He is worthy to be praised and He's beyond deserving of it all!

Welp, I don't know how to close this blog without going in so, let me leave you with this: Raise your faith! Don't wait until the battle is over; SHOUT NOW!!!

~Charity Faith~

I Write

I am a natural born writer. I have journals everywhere but if you had asked me 3 years ago if I thought I was a writer, I'd tell you no. I have 2.5 journals in my room. 2 of those journals are active (meaning I am still writing in them). I have journals at home that are probably still incomplete.

Today, while writing in my journal, I asked how I can have 2 active journals? What I do is, I have moments when I just write in one journal and other moments when I feel like writing in the other. Today, I wrote in a journal that I hadn't written in in a long time. What's funny is the last two entries before today correlated to the entry I was making today. The last two entries were before December of 2009 because that's when I bought the second active journal. I start the journal with the intention of writing in it daily. I go for 3 months staying pretty consistent, maybe missing a day or two, but after month 3, I start missing 5 days, and then weeks and then writing once a month. lol

When my entries are further apart, the subject matter is always deep. One of the entries I read today read like a monologue. I thought, "Did I write that?!?! Like, is this my life???" Surely it was, I could completely identify with the author but it was so profound, so deep, so heart-wrenching. I thought about posting it on here but then I thought, 'That may be too deep for the readers." I'm still debating though because it's sooooooooo good! lol

Anywho, I will be back soon! Til then, stay blessed! :)