In the past four weeks, I've been home twice. The first time I went was for a funeral for my Great Aunt. The second time I went was to celebrate my mother's birthday! Both trips were a learning experience.
Every family is jacked up in some kind of way. My family on my dad's side is just fake...simply put. The only person I can really count on, the only consistent person on my dad's side, is my Uncle. Of all of my Uncle's he's my favorite uncle but he's just awesome in every way. lol When I get old, I'm going to take care of him...but enough about all of that. So, when I went home for the funeral, my cousins came out, my dad came out and then was everyone else. It had been placed on my heart to tell everyone that they suck because my uncle had been taking care of everything and everyone and he had little to no help. In addition, he was the only one working (as an assistant principal) and going to school (for his doctorate) and taking care of my aunt (who is a handful). so, at the point where I realized my uncle is burned out and ready to quit stuff and is just exhausted, I was frustrated at everyone else because my aunt wasn't just his aunt but all of their aunt. Then, my question is, what happens after she passes? Will the family forever split?
Anywho, I didn't have to say anything because the pastor who did the funeral was also a cousin and he called the family out. So I was like, SCORE! While I was frustrated and needed to say it, I didn't want to so God gave me an out. lol After the funeral, everyone went over to my uncle's house and hung out. Again, my dad's side of the family (all 10 of them) are fake so there were hugs and kisses and I love you's and such and I thought, I will give them another chance...another chance to prove me wrong - that's where my "490: It's a Number's Game" blog came from. Now, fast forward to this past week's trip...
I hadn't been home in about a year. When I left, I left with excitement and joy. I kept in touch with my family every now and again but I was free. In this year away though, God did a lot of surgery on my heart and mind and a lot of reasons why I wanted to get away were understood, explained and reconciled. Also, being away, who I am was established. I never really fit in with the family (so to speak) so there was this quest of who I really am and I got that in this year. All that to say, when I went home, I went home a different person than when I left. I was so excited to see my family and had a blast! Things that used to be a conflict weren't a conflict and we all just enjoyed each others' company. Leaving and coming back to my new home was a bittersweet moment.
Another thing that happened is when I was home for the funeral, one of my relatives and I exchanged numbers and they suggested we get together for lunch or something when I was to come back for my mother's b-day. I'm all for it, we move from now and leave the past in the past right? So, when home, they sent me a text about something and I responded letting them know how long I would be in town. Now, knowing their track record, I had an expectation but I was also expecting them to prove me wrong and (drumroll please) they proved me right. Am I upset? No; you learn to love people for who they are and if/when they decide to change, then you roll with it...490 right?
My idea of family has changed in these past few weeks. I've learned to love my family harder and with more passion. Each day with them and apart makes me appreciate them all the more and recognized how blessed I am to be connected to them forever. I can't wait for the next time that I am home!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
490: It's a Number's Game
I have been thinking about my father and the relationship that we have, as opposed to the one we had or I'd hope we'd have, and I keep hearing "490." Jesus said that we are to forgive our brother 70X7 times...that equals 490. Now me being me, I'm already questioning whether it'd be ok to keep count? lol A rebuttal: When Jesus forgives us, it has been throwing into the sea of forgetfulness...does He keep count? Think about it.
So, 490...70 X 7. I did a little research and found that the number 70 deals with a time of judgment against God's people - or the punishment and restoration of Israel. The number 7 is the number of perfection and spiritual completeness. So, in forgiving someone you have an immediate judgment upon the offender. You may think of many things to do to "punish" them but there is a restoration period where all goes back to the way it was before the offense. Now, that doesn't mean be stupid...wisdom will let you recognize someone's true character and respond to who they are. Honestly, knowing and accepting who a person is and not for who you want them to be makes it easier to forgive them of certain things that you would have initially gone 0 to 60 about. When you are in this cycle of "punishment/judgment" and restoration, your forgiveness is perfect and complete. The word restoration means, "
So, 490...70 X 7. I did a little research and found that the number 70 deals with a time of judgment against God's people - or the punishment and restoration of Israel. The number 7 is the number of perfection and spiritual completeness. So, in forgiving someone you have an immediate judgment upon the offender. You may think of many things to do to "punish" them but there is a restoration period where all goes back to the way it was before the offense. Now, that doesn't mean be stupid...wisdom will let you recognize someone's true character and respond to who they are. Honestly, knowing and accepting who a person is and not for who you want them to be makes it easier to forgive them of certain things that you would have initially gone 0 to 60 about. When you are in this cycle of "punishment/judgment" and restoration, your forgiveness is perfect and complete. The word restoration means, "
a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition." That means, all goes back to normal...perfect and complete.
Now, you may be wondering, why should I have to keep forgiving a person though? Like, why are we going in circles? A circle is made of 360 degrees. 360 is broken down into 180 and 2, 60 and 6 and can also be broken into 120 and 3, among other divisions.
So, why do you keep coming back around to having to deal with this concept of forgiveness? Maybe because you are double minded...trying to walk a line of righteousness but remaining divided from God. Or, maybe it's due to your own pride and conceit. You feel like you shouldn't have to say this and that and that they should apologize and they owe you this and that...and you find yourself walking in circles. Or, maybe because God just wants to make sure that you are pure through and through and is testing that. Whenever you purchase something that is to be of great value, you'll always inspect it or test it out to be sure you're getting the real deal...the same goes for what God wants out of us...purity, clarity, quality and efficiency. Whatever it may be, it's easier to have a forgiving 490 mindset than to have 490 + 10 years of kicking and screaming, + 2 years of hatred and bitterness + 3 years of trying to get rid of the hatred and bitterness +1 year of tears + ... = a life of confusion, frustration and turmoil.
So, as I conclude this blog, I find myself thinking about my relationship with my dad again. While I am not happy about what I am learning, as I have done for others, I am learning to deal with him for who he is and not who I want him to be and to give him 490...instead of me doing 360s.
Now, you may be wondering, why should I have to keep forgiving a person though? Like, why are we going in circles? A circle is made of 360 degrees. 360 is broken down into 180 and 2, 60 and 6 and can also be broken into 120 and 3, among other divisions.
- 180 and 2 -we know that 180 degrees is a straight line. What you may not have known is that the number two is connected with separation, things that are divided or things that bring about division. 180 can be further broken down into 18 and 10. The number 18 deals with bondage while the number 10 deals with completeness that happens in a divine order or completed during a course of time. Your bondage plus God's order will put you on the straight and narrow path, your bondage can become your testimony but if you are double minded, don't have your mind made up completely, then you'll find yourself walking in 360 degree circles.
- 60 and 6 - The number 60 is associated with the sin of pride and conceit. The number 6 deals with the weakness of man and the manifestation of sin; human labor - secular completeness. Your own pride will keep you bound by your own thoughts, thinking you know it all until you get trapped but won't put your pride aside to ask for help which keeps you going in 360 degree circles. Spinning in sin.
- 120 and 3 - The number 120 is in reference to a divine probation period. The number 3 deals with approval, viewing things within its entirety, and things that have become solid and complete. Sometimes God will bring you back to different things to see how you will handle them a second time around, hence the divine probation period but when you have shown Him that you've mastered that thing, there's approval and it is shown that you have become solid and complete in that area. If you have not mastered that thing, it will also be noted as you are being viewed in your entirety - from your thoughts to your heart to your actions.
So, why do you keep coming back around to having to deal with this concept of forgiveness? Maybe because you are double minded...trying to walk a line of righteousness but remaining divided from God. Or, maybe it's due to your own pride and conceit. You feel like you shouldn't have to say this and that and that they should apologize and they owe you this and that...and you find yourself walking in circles. Or, maybe because God just wants to make sure that you are pure through and through and is testing that. Whenever you purchase something that is to be of great value, you'll always inspect it or test it out to be sure you're getting the real deal...the same goes for what God wants out of us...purity, clarity, quality and efficiency. Whatever it may be, it's easier to have a forgiving 490 mindset than to have 490 + 10 years of kicking and screaming, + 2 years of hatred and bitterness + 3 years of trying to get rid of the hatred and bitterness +1 year of tears + ... = a life of confusion, frustration and turmoil.
So, as I conclude this blog, I find myself thinking about my relationship with my dad again. While I am not happy about what I am learning, as I have done for others, I am learning to deal with him for who he is and not who I want him to be and to give him 490...instead of me doing 360s.
Friday, July 8, 2011
0 to 60
Hello Everyone! I haven't blogged in a while and I have recently encountered some things that made me think about what things frustrate me in 0-60 seconds. lol I have also asked others what things frustrated them instantly and it's been entertaining. I thought I'd share some of my 0-60s. (These are not in any order, by the way.)
I. Vain words - OMG! Don't just say to say...let there be meaning behind your words. This and pacification go hand in hand...don't pacify me. If you disagree, say so. If you just say, "okay," it makes me feel like you can't argue your point, are afraid to make your point or are just brushing me off. We don't have to argue, I don't like arguing, but don't say something you don't mean or just blow it off. Don't say, "I love you," if you don't really mean it. Oh! Also, just saying stuff because you feel you're "supposed" to say it. I'd be the person not to return a compliment because I can't think of one and don't want to lie to you. lol Your words is the only thing you can't take back. Furthermore, people hold you to your words; your actions typically back up your words. Think before you speak.
II. Follow Through - This goes with vain words, don't say you're going to do something that you know you probably won't do. This is only 0-60 if it happens more than once because I know it's a behavior of yours and you say something knowing you're not going to do it. For example, don't say you're going to call me right back, or come right back, and take a million years to do it or don't do it at all. Because you said it, I wait or make time for you to call/come back. If you don't, you have wasted my time. This also goes with, "Hey, let's get together and do ______." I'm all pumped and ready, canceling opportunities to do it with others because I made plans to do it with someone else and then we never do it. OMG! I go to things by myself now; simply because I don't want to miss out and folks don't follow through.
III. Pot and Kettle - Do not constantly talk about something that I do that you constantly do...and then scoff about it! LOL Trust that I will hold up a mirror and tell you about yourself...simply because you tried to come at me about something that you do.
IV. Opinions/preferences - I really dislike when people state their opinion as fact. It burns my toast when someone gets up in front of someone (or a group of people) and boldly make a statement (or directive) that is based off of their opinion. Where are the facts??? And if you ask them about it, it'll boil down to, "well, I just feel..." WHAT?! I'm ok with you stating your opinion, just don't push it as if it was a fact. It boils down to a "My way" concept...that things have to be seen "my way."
V. Loud Mouth - It is not only rude but completely disrespectful to start yelling over someone to say what you want to say...WAIT YOUR TURN! SOMEONE ELSE IS SPEAKING! In a discussion, debate, argument, do not cut someone off...let them complete their statement and then respond. If you need to have pen and paper to jot notes of what you are waiting to say in response to something said, do so. Now, under certain circumstances it's ok to interject with an, "Excuse me..." I typically like to raise my hand. It lets others know that I have a thought and would like to share, it reminds me what I was going to say, and it grabs the attention of others. I've learned that listening is, sometimes, more powerful than speaking. If you just let a person talk, you'll find they'll talk themselves into circles or eventually contradict themselves helping your point. On the other hand, listening may let you know that it's not even worth opening your mouth to respond. Beyond all of that, it's just rude to speak over someone and disrespectful to start yelling over them.
Ok, I think this is it. This list is different from my list of pet peeves. lol Here are 5 pet peeves;
I. Someone chewing with their mouth open; more specifically, being able to hear the food sloshing around in someone's mouth. #disgusting!
II. Ok, this is borderline 0-60, when someone doesn't understand something and instead of thinking about it (or they refuse to take the time), they say it's stupid, dumb, lame, whatevs. What's stupid is you not taking the time to think it out. You can't say something is stupid if you didn't take time to think about it. What you don't understand isn't stupid...you just don't understand.
III. Also borderline, people making assumptions about me, or other things, and acting upon that assumption. Honey, just ask. Your assumption can make matters so much more complicated than necessary...just ask.
IV. In a group setting involving food, or when sharing chips or something, when people use their hands. I don't know where your hands have been!!! Use a napkin or shake the chips out of the bag...don't use your hands. The only time it's ok is if you do not have the napkin option (and that will be the thing that I won't eat because folks have been fingering the food) or if you can clearly pick up something without touching the other food around. Oh man! The same goes with pizza. If you are sharing a pizza with a group and you can't get your piece detached from another, use a napkin to separate them or ask someone to take the other piece and you two can detach your pieces.
V. Oh, speaking. If I speak to you, do not ignore me. If you enter a room that has people in it, you're supposed to speak. If you're in a room and someone enters and speaks, acknowledge them. It's common courtesy. I've had an instance where I entered a room, spoke, no one responded. Five minutes later, they were like, "You came in here and didn't speak." No, I spoke, you didn't acknowledge me. So, there was another instance where I entered a room and they were conversing so I didn't "interrupt," and I still got the, "You came in here and didn't speak." Well, according to your previous behavior...! Let's just stick to the code of conduct, folks.
Ok, this is a minimal list. I honestly don't know if I can come up with more. It took me a little bit to think of these. lol I would be interested in reading a 0-60 and pet peeve of yours in the comment box. Do share! :)
I. Vain words - OMG! Don't just say to say...let there be meaning behind your words. This and pacification go hand in hand...don't pacify me. If you disagree, say so. If you just say, "okay," it makes me feel like you can't argue your point, are afraid to make your point or are just brushing me off. We don't have to argue, I don't like arguing, but don't say something you don't mean or just blow it off. Don't say, "I love you," if you don't really mean it. Oh! Also, just saying stuff because you feel you're "supposed" to say it. I'd be the person not to return a compliment because I can't think of one and don't want to lie to you. lol Your words is the only thing you can't take back. Furthermore, people hold you to your words; your actions typically back up your words. Think before you speak.
II. Follow Through - This goes with vain words, don't say you're going to do something that you know you probably won't do. This is only 0-60 if it happens more than once because I know it's a behavior of yours and you say something knowing you're not going to do it. For example, don't say you're going to call me right back, or come right back, and take a million years to do it or don't do it at all. Because you said it, I wait or make time for you to call/come back. If you don't, you have wasted my time. This also goes with, "Hey, let's get together and do ______." I'm all pumped and ready, canceling opportunities to do it with others because I made plans to do it with someone else and then we never do it. OMG! I go to things by myself now; simply because I don't want to miss out and folks don't follow through.
III. Pot and Kettle - Do not constantly talk about something that I do that you constantly do...and then scoff about it! LOL Trust that I will hold up a mirror and tell you about yourself...simply because you tried to come at me about something that you do.
IV. Opinions/preferences - I really dislike when people state their opinion as fact. It burns my toast when someone gets up in front of someone (or a group of people) and boldly make a statement (or directive) that is based off of their opinion. Where are the facts??? And if you ask them about it, it'll boil down to, "well, I just feel..." WHAT?! I'm ok with you stating your opinion, just don't push it as if it was a fact. It boils down to a "My way" concept...that things have to be seen "my way."
V. Loud Mouth - It is not only rude but completely disrespectful to start yelling over someone to say what you want to say...WAIT YOUR TURN! SOMEONE ELSE IS SPEAKING! In a discussion, debate, argument, do not cut someone off...let them complete their statement and then respond. If you need to have pen and paper to jot notes of what you are waiting to say in response to something said, do so. Now, under certain circumstances it's ok to interject with an, "Excuse me..." I typically like to raise my hand. It lets others know that I have a thought and would like to share, it reminds me what I was going to say, and it grabs the attention of others. I've learned that listening is, sometimes, more powerful than speaking. If you just let a person talk, you'll find they'll talk themselves into circles or eventually contradict themselves helping your point. On the other hand, listening may let you know that it's not even worth opening your mouth to respond. Beyond all of that, it's just rude to speak over someone and disrespectful to start yelling over them.
Ok, I think this is it. This list is different from my list of pet peeves. lol Here are 5 pet peeves;
I. Someone chewing with their mouth open; more specifically, being able to hear the food sloshing around in someone's mouth. #disgusting!
II. Ok, this is borderline 0-60, when someone doesn't understand something and instead of thinking about it (or they refuse to take the time), they say it's stupid, dumb, lame, whatevs. What's stupid is you not taking the time to think it out. You can't say something is stupid if you didn't take time to think about it. What you don't understand isn't stupid...you just don't understand.
III. Also borderline, people making assumptions about me, or other things, and acting upon that assumption. Honey, just ask. Your assumption can make matters so much more complicated than necessary...just ask.
IV. In a group setting involving food, or when sharing chips or something, when people use their hands. I don't know where your hands have been!!! Use a napkin or shake the chips out of the bag...don't use your hands. The only time it's ok is if you do not have the napkin option (and that will be the thing that I won't eat because folks have been fingering the food) or if you can clearly pick up something without touching the other food around. Oh man! The same goes with pizza. If you are sharing a pizza with a group and you can't get your piece detached from another, use a napkin to separate them or ask someone to take the other piece and you two can detach your pieces.
V. Oh, speaking. If I speak to you, do not ignore me. If you enter a room that has people in it, you're supposed to speak. If you're in a room and someone enters and speaks, acknowledge them. It's common courtesy. I've had an instance where I entered a room, spoke, no one responded. Five minutes later, they were like, "You came in here and didn't speak." No, I spoke, you didn't acknowledge me. So, there was another instance where I entered a room and they were conversing so I didn't "interrupt," and I still got the, "You came in here and didn't speak." Well, according to your previous behavior...! Let's just stick to the code of conduct, folks.
Ok, this is a minimal list. I honestly don't know if I can come up with more. It took me a little bit to think of these. lol I would be interested in reading a 0-60 and pet peeve of yours in the comment box. Do share! :)
Monday, June 20, 2011
Friends With Borders
Pastor once told me that whenever someone in the Bible was preparing for ministry, they were in a place of isolation: Jesus, John the Baptist, etc. While I have started to really feel like I'm at a point of isolation, God has also allowed some great people in my life. While I understand that everyone can't handle you where you are or where you're going, and everyone that comes into your life isn't sent from God, and we have to be discerning of the two, I have some pretty awesome people in my life but, there's a catch. Everyone lives at least a half hour away from me.
While isolation is necessary to understand self, reconnect with God, the Bible does say that it's not greatest to be alone. I think God has sent these people to hold me accountable, teach me new things and just really show me what a real friend is. I appreciate the honesty, originality and genuine care had for one another. I appreciate just having good clean fun and walking away like I had the time of my life! I never want to come back home because I have to leave them but I'm still in preparation mode. It's like, "You can have friends but I need you to remain focused." These people are such a blessing - a help to keep me from crawling into a shell ('cause they pull me out to diff events) but also a push to do what's right and to strive to become a better me in Him.
I could give a list of all the people I am referring to, and give a few words to their presence in my life but I'll just say: thank you all so much for being such loving, caring, friendly, genuine people. I love you all so much and appreciate each and every one of you in my life. You all encourage me to do better, to be better!
Much love!
While isolation is necessary to understand self, reconnect with God, the Bible does say that it's not greatest to be alone. I think God has sent these people to hold me accountable, teach me new things and just really show me what a real friend is. I appreciate the honesty, originality and genuine care had for one another. I appreciate just having good clean fun and walking away like I had the time of my life! I never want to come back home because I have to leave them but I'm still in preparation mode. It's like, "You can have friends but I need you to remain focused." These people are such a blessing - a help to keep me from crawling into a shell ('cause they pull me out to diff events) but also a push to do what's right and to strive to become a better me in Him.
I could give a list of all the people I am referring to, and give a few words to their presence in my life but I'll just say: thank you all so much for being such loving, caring, friendly, genuine people. I love you all so much and appreciate each and every one of you in my life. You all encourage me to do better, to be better!
Much love!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Half Truths
Have you ever been presented with a concept that is completely different than how you've always known something to be, and regardless of the facts before you, you choose to ignore it? In fact, you won't even double check and research for yourself because you don't want to know anything different?
We do that often in our spiritual journeys. Our salvation is so precious but also quite manipulated. We are taught one thing, come into greater truth and have two choices: To accept the truth and change yourself to live to the standards of truth or to continue to stay where you are living a half truth because the truth is too complicated and difficult to wrap your mind around. I say this all the time, "'I didn't know' won't work at the gates. You have to know things for yourself, study for yourself because what momma, grandma, daddy or grandpa said won't get you into heaven."
Hosea 4:6 says, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children." Are you willing to hold on to tradition, comfort zones and fear at the cost of your eternal life?
Think about it...
We do that often in our spiritual journeys. Our salvation is so precious but also quite manipulated. We are taught one thing, come into greater truth and have two choices: To accept the truth and change yourself to live to the standards of truth or to continue to stay where you are living a half truth because the truth is too complicated and difficult to wrap your mind around. I say this all the time, "'I didn't know' won't work at the gates. You have to know things for yourself, study for yourself because what momma, grandma, daddy or grandpa said won't get you into heaven."
Hosea 4:6 says, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children." Are you willing to hold on to tradition, comfort zones and fear at the cost of your eternal life?
Think about it...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Out of Body
Yesterday, before writing, I had to chuckle to myself because I always do things prophetically without knowing that I'm doing them until I go back latter and have an, OH MY moment. lol Or better yet, He's working through me to speak to me.
Let's take this blog for example. When I started it, I was still a babe in Christ, actually creating this blog to have a release and mini-venting space. This blog was not so much about God as it was to break away from what I felt was binding; hence the URL: boxbreaking. Though I had new friends, new concepts of life, people were still putting me in a box...making assumptions about who they thought I was. My Pastor said one Sunday, "I will never let someone put me in a box. I will dye my hair blue before I let someone put me in a box." That's how I began to feel...STOP PUTTING ME IN A BOX! The fact of the matter is, though, people can only box you in with what you give them which meant that I had to change...I had to break the box! So, in breaking the box, I'd be in a new dimension of life...something on another level - hence, the title of this blog.
So, I created a blog about breaking out of the box and experiencing life on a whole other level long before I became a minister...long before I agreed to be the director of a ministry...long before I decided to walk in my calling which is on a completely different level than where I was a year ago! I've broken many boxes and am still working on breaking others for the sake of the kingdom...as well as myself. So, yes, I laughed when I prepared to write yesterday because He/I did it again, spoke the future from the present. He gave me a hint into the direction of my life and I appreciate Him for these moments.
Welp, have a great day folks! Keep your eyes and ears open because He's speaking! :)
Let's take this blog for example. When I started it, I was still a babe in Christ, actually creating this blog to have a release and mini-venting space. This blog was not so much about God as it was to break away from what I felt was binding; hence the URL: boxbreaking. Though I had new friends, new concepts of life, people were still putting me in a box...making assumptions about who they thought I was. My Pastor said one Sunday, "I will never let someone put me in a box. I will dye my hair blue before I let someone put me in a box." That's how I began to feel...STOP PUTTING ME IN A BOX! The fact of the matter is, though, people can only box you in with what you give them which meant that I had to change...I had to break the box! So, in breaking the box, I'd be in a new dimension of life...something on another level - hence, the title of this blog.
So, I created a blog about breaking out of the box and experiencing life on a whole other level long before I became a minister...long before I agreed to be the director of a ministry...long before I decided to walk in my calling which is on a completely different level than where I was a year ago! I've broken many boxes and am still working on breaking others for the sake of the kingdom...as well as myself. So, yes, I laughed when I prepared to write yesterday because He/I did it again, spoke the future from the present. He gave me a hint into the direction of my life and I appreciate Him for these moments.
Welp, have a great day folks! Keep your eyes and ears open because He's speaking! :)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Alive
Travis Greene has a song called Alive that I absolutely love. Here are the lyrics:
Ah ah ah...
I'm alive in You
I'm alive in You
Oooooooooooh
I'm alive in You
In You I live and move and
Have my being
So I'm alive
I'm alive in You
(repeat)
Wake up to see the dawning
Of a brand new day
The sun is
Shining brighter than the day before
I'm in love with You so much more
And every time I seek Your face
I'm reminded of Your saving grace
In Your presence I stand amazed
And I'm in awe of Your Beauty and all of Your ways
I've nothing else to say
So here's the highest praise
Hallelujah!
I'm alive in You!
Hallelujah!
I'm alive in You! (repeat 5x)
I'm alive in You!
I'm alive in You!
I live to worship You, Lord!
I live to worship You, Lord!
I live to worship You, Lord!
I live, I live in You!
(repeat 3x)
Hallelujah!
I am alive in You!
Hallelujah!
I am alive!
Yes, I am alive!
OOOOOOOOOH
I am alive!
I'm alive in You!
The song is so beautiful and so pretty and while I loved it before this past weekend, I love it all the more now!
This weekend, in conjunction with May 29th, has been so monumental. On May 29th, I was ordained as a licensed minister! My family came down for the Ordination Ceremony at church and it was a great time of fellowship and elevation. So many things shifted in my life with that elevation and it's all for the better.
This past weekend, June 12th, was Pentecost Sunday. I didn't know there was such a day but, as Pastor began his message, I was informed rather quickly. Pentecost Sunday is all fine and dandy except for the fact that he was preaching from Acts where the Holy Ghost fell on the peoples and they all began to speak in other tongues. Why is that a problem? Because I had been wanting to have such manifestation in my life for years and all of the different services where people would say, "The Holy Spirit is in this room! Pray in your heavenly language. If you haven't spoken in tongues, this can be your day...just ask Him to fill you," didn't amount to anything. So, I'm listening to this message pretty sure of what was to happen...everyone will speak in tongues, some new folks will be filled with the Holy Spirit and here I am, Minister, still without the manifestation of tongues. Furthermore, I really struggled with the concept of having the Holy Spirit because I didn't speak in tongues. While I know that tongues is the manifestation of the Holy Spirit, I couldn't wrap my mind around having Christ live on the inside of me without the evidence that He does.
As Pastor was wrapping up his message, I was fully prepared to worship God but not really push to have that manifestation because it didn't happen before and I really didn't feel like being let down. Now, I'm not sure if it was him saying, "It's not enough to carry God inside of you...," validating that is very well living inside of me even though I don't have the evidence or if it was him saying, "Why not today? Pentecost Sunday? Why not say, 'I have nothing to lose and everything to gain?' And some of you all's problem is really just doubt," but I decided to really give it another try. To save time, I was filled with the Holy Spirit that Sunday! While I was definitely excited, I was mostly humbled. I mean, I had the most negative, doubtful attitude prior to and God decided to fill me with His spirit nonetheless! Yea, I cried like a baby and had mixed emotions. While I was elated, I was also feeling quite penitent. 14 people were baptized with the Holy Ghost that day and it was ridiculously amazing to have experienced that.
Since Sunday, the song mentioned above, has gained a deeper meaning! Outside of God, His presence, His will, His way, live is horrible! Compare my life before and after Christ, the latter is so much greater! Truth be told, there wasn't too much before Christ that I completely enjoyed and had a hard time giving up. My hardest struggle was breaking an addiction and no one wants to be addicted...I mean, you have no control over self. But now, now that I have Christ and He's overflowing in me, I smile just to think that He decided to get comfortable. Every second of my existence is through Him and I am humbled to be a carrier of God...to take Him wherever I go. I'm carrying precious cargo and have to make sure that I don't find myself in a position to be robbed, mugged, hoodwinked or bamboozled. I have to protect it at all costs but most of all, give in to His spirit and allow myself to be led by Him in all that that means!
I'm alive!
Here's a link to the song: http://youtu.be/RTZladDzMRM.
Ah ah ah...
I'm alive in You
I'm alive in You
Oooooooooooh
I'm alive in You
In You I live and move and
Have my being
So I'm alive
I'm alive in You
(repeat)
Wake up to see the dawning
Of a brand new day
The sun is
Shining brighter than the day before
I'm in love with You so much more
And every time I seek Your face
I'm reminded of Your saving grace
In Your presence I stand amazed
And I'm in awe of Your Beauty and all of Your ways
I've nothing else to say
So here's the highest praise
Hallelujah!
I'm alive in You!
Hallelujah!
I'm alive in You! (repeat 5x)
I'm alive in You!
I'm alive in You!
I live to worship You, Lord!
I live to worship You, Lord!
I live to worship You, Lord!
I live, I live in You!
(repeat 3x)
Hallelujah!
I am alive in You!
Hallelujah!
I am alive!
Yes, I am alive!
OOOOOOOOOH
I am alive!
I'm alive in You!
The song is so beautiful and so pretty and while I loved it before this past weekend, I love it all the more now!
This weekend, in conjunction with May 29th, has been so monumental. On May 29th, I was ordained as a licensed minister! My family came down for the Ordination Ceremony at church and it was a great time of fellowship and elevation. So many things shifted in my life with that elevation and it's all for the better.
This past weekend, June 12th, was Pentecost Sunday. I didn't know there was such a day but, as Pastor began his message, I was informed rather quickly. Pentecost Sunday is all fine and dandy except for the fact that he was preaching from Acts where the Holy Ghost fell on the peoples and they all began to speak in other tongues. Why is that a problem? Because I had been wanting to have such manifestation in my life for years and all of the different services where people would say, "The Holy Spirit is in this room! Pray in your heavenly language. If you haven't spoken in tongues, this can be your day...just ask Him to fill you," didn't amount to anything. So, I'm listening to this message pretty sure of what was to happen...everyone will speak in tongues, some new folks will be filled with the Holy Spirit and here I am, Minister, still without the manifestation of tongues. Furthermore, I really struggled with the concept of having the Holy Spirit because I didn't speak in tongues. While I know that tongues is the manifestation of the Holy Spirit, I couldn't wrap my mind around having Christ live on the inside of me without the evidence that He does.
As Pastor was wrapping up his message, I was fully prepared to worship God but not really push to have that manifestation because it didn't happen before and I really didn't feel like being let down. Now, I'm not sure if it was him saying, "It's not enough to carry God inside of you...," validating that is very well living inside of me even though I don't have the evidence or if it was him saying, "Why not today? Pentecost Sunday? Why not say, 'I have nothing to lose and everything to gain?' And some of you all's problem is really just doubt," but I decided to really give it another try. To save time, I was filled with the Holy Spirit that Sunday! While I was definitely excited, I was mostly humbled. I mean, I had the most negative, doubtful attitude prior to and God decided to fill me with His spirit nonetheless! Yea, I cried like a baby and had mixed emotions. While I was elated, I was also feeling quite penitent. 14 people were baptized with the Holy Ghost that day and it was ridiculously amazing to have experienced that.
Since Sunday, the song mentioned above, has gained a deeper meaning! Outside of God, His presence, His will, His way, live is horrible! Compare my life before and after Christ, the latter is so much greater! Truth be told, there wasn't too much before Christ that I completely enjoyed and had a hard time giving up. My hardest struggle was breaking an addiction and no one wants to be addicted...I mean, you have no control over self. But now, now that I have Christ and He's overflowing in me, I smile just to think that He decided to get comfortable. Every second of my existence is through Him and I am humbled to be a carrier of God...to take Him wherever I go. I'm carrying precious cargo and have to make sure that I don't find myself in a position to be robbed, mugged, hoodwinked or bamboozled. I have to protect it at all costs but most of all, give in to His spirit and allow myself to be led by Him in all that that means!
I'm alive!
Here's a link to the song: http://youtu.be/RTZladDzMRM.
Friday, May 13, 2011
The Mind
Last night I had the most random dream...well, it wasn't as much random as weird. In my dream I people disappeared, cars disappeared, new people appeared, items grew and it happened without notice. I woke wondering how I continually changed what was happening in my dream. I mean, at the point where there was a dangerous situation, my brothers appeared out of nowhere, them being protectors and military, I wonder if I subconsciously dreamt them up to protect me.
The mind is sooooo complex. There's so much subconscious behind a lot of things we say and do and I couldn't help think about what subconscious things lied underneath the reformation of my dream....that's all. lol
~Charity Faith~
The mind is sooooo complex. There's so much subconscious behind a lot of things we say and do and I couldn't help think about what subconscious things lied underneath the reformation of my dream....that's all. lol
~Charity Faith~
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Waffles and Spaghetti
I often hear people say that they want to pick my brain...get in my head and honestly, that is a dangerous place to be. One of three things is happening in my head at all times: a concert, a philosophical conversation with self or a sermon ( more like a whole church service)! Today, I sang No Other Choice by Tye Tribbett, Order My Steps (circa 1657), My Faith Is In You, among other things. lol Anywho, I figured I would just blog my thoughts so that you can see what happens. (LOL- thoroughly amused by this)
I had a conversation once with a psychology major about the way men and women think. He said women's thoughts are like spaghetti and men's like waffles. The idea being that when women think, one thought leads into another, into another, into another and guys hop from topic to topic like waffle squares. I think my brain is a mix between spaghetti and waffles.
Picture this: there's a big belgium waffle, nice and golden, crisp around the edges but still mildly fluffy, topped with naked spaghetti noodles; my thoughts would be the syrup. The syrup would first touch a spaghetti noodle...I'm rolling along with a thought, which leads to another connected thought and then another one before the syrup starts to collect in a waffle square. That's when I find a thought to explore and converse about because it must be discussed. After the waffle square fills up, it flows over into another square but the thing is that I have a choice to either go with this new square OR follow another avenue of drizzling syrup! ...Are you confused yet? (I would just like to let you know that I am thoroughly entertained at the thought of you trying to figure this out OR those who have left the page already! LMBO) To put it simply, my brain rambles, even connecting a three things (song, philosophy and sermon) sometimes, and I manage life by choosing which thought to give attention to.
I once read that what gets Christians in trouble is not having control over our minds, that we have let our minds wander and wonder for so long that we have entertained things that we probably shouldn't have entertained. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says that our weapon comes in controlling our mind and casting down any thought that exalts itself above the knowledge of God. That means, we should not just let our minds wander from thought to thought...we have to bring some thoughts into captivity. (that's my sermon mind, p.s.)
Some things are worth thinking about though. For example, sweating in the shower. Some people talk about taking showers that are really hot and staying in there for a million years. I've taken really hot showers and if it's too hot, and I'm in there too long, I begin to sweat; which iscompletely contradictory to my showering! I'm just saying, if we were running, or cooking, or washing the car, or exercising and started sweating we'd say, "UGH! I'm so sweaty! I need to take a shower." Well, if sweat is not ok outside of the shower, it shouldn't be okay in the shower...OR...is sweat perfectly ok? Are we making it out to be such a big deal? I mean, sweat is our body releasing fluids to cool us down...what makes us dirty is what we were doing that caused us to sweat, so is the sweat really "bad?" I mean, personally, I don't like sweating, period! If I'm exercising, I'm done if I break a sweat...it feels icky! The best thing about sweating is getting in the car after a sweat and rolling down the windows and riding around, that is the coolest breeze EVER! It's like organic AC and it's free!
Speaking of AC and free (this a spaghetti moment becoming a waffle moment) why is gas $4.05?!?!? Like seriously?!?!? I need to the saints to raise their faith and pray these gas prices down! Maybe I should try walking around the gas pump 7 times before pumping like they did with the wall of Jericho. I have to drive about 60 miles total going to church and I go about 4 times out of the week. Gas prices are going up but my paycheck hasn't!!! I'm going to have to skype church or something! But seriously, these gas prices are ridiculous! I remember being in the back of the car and my dad griping about gas going up to a dollar and thirteen cent. Dude, I WISH I could get gas for a $1.13. I'm seriously considering getting a bike so I can ride around town at home and just use my car for when I need it. I've been thinking about ways to cut down my costs to have more money for gas and I'm not too sure what else can be cut!
Anyway, I wouldn't stop going to church. I'd stop eating to have gas to go to church before I stopped going. I'd be on a permanent, might I add involuntary, fast! hahaha My church is awesome! I have a great Pastor, my brothers and sisters are amazing and everyone sticks together. I've never really understood love, or knew what it looked like, until I attended this church. I am always excited the night before church, the day of church or leaving church to come to church again. Now if you only knew; I was baptized in 2008, so church is a fairly new thing to my life but I love it, mostly Him, so much! My life is so much better in His hands!
Welp, I could go on and on and on but I guess I'll find more productive things to do. If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this and understand how my mind works. Honestly, there's more to the madness but that would just drive you crazy...I only have my mind because HE kept it! *praise break*
I'll holla!
~Charity Faith~
I had a conversation once with a psychology major about the way men and women think. He said women's thoughts are like spaghetti and men's like waffles. The idea being that when women think, one thought leads into another, into another, into another and guys hop from topic to topic like waffle squares. I think my brain is a mix between spaghetti and waffles.
Picture this: there's a big belgium waffle, nice and golden, crisp around the edges but still mildly fluffy, topped with naked spaghetti noodles; my thoughts would be the syrup. The syrup would first touch a spaghetti noodle...I'm rolling along with a thought, which leads to another connected thought and then another one before the syrup starts to collect in a waffle square. That's when I find a thought to explore and converse about because it must be discussed. After the waffle square fills up, it flows over into another square but the thing is that I have a choice to either go with this new square OR follow another avenue of drizzling syrup! ...Are you confused yet? (I would just like to let you know that I am thoroughly entertained at the thought of you trying to figure this out OR those who have left the page already! LMBO) To put it simply, my brain rambles, even connecting a three things (song, philosophy and sermon) sometimes, and I manage life by choosing which thought to give attention to.
I once read that what gets Christians in trouble is not having control over our minds, that we have let our minds wander and wonder for so long that we have entertained things that we probably shouldn't have entertained. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says that our weapon comes in controlling our mind and casting down any thought that exalts itself above the knowledge of God. That means, we should not just let our minds wander from thought to thought...we have to bring some thoughts into captivity. (that's my sermon mind, p.s.)
Some things are worth thinking about though. For example, sweating in the shower. Some people talk about taking showers that are really hot and staying in there for a million years. I've taken really hot showers and if it's too hot, and I'm in there too long, I begin to sweat; which is
Speaking of AC and free (this a spaghetti moment becoming a waffle moment) why is gas $4.05?!?!? Like seriously?!?!? I need to the saints to raise their faith and pray these gas prices down! Maybe I should try walking around the gas pump 7 times before pumping like they did with the wall of Jericho. I have to drive about 60 miles total going to church and I go about 4 times out of the week. Gas prices are going up but my paycheck hasn't!!! I'm going to have to skype church or something! But seriously, these gas prices are ridiculous! I remember being in the back of the car and my dad griping about gas going up to a dollar and thirteen cent. Dude, I WISH I could get gas for a $1.13. I'm seriously considering getting a bike so I can ride around town at home and just use my car for when I need it. I've been thinking about ways to cut down my costs to have more money for gas and I'm not too sure what else can be cut!
Anyway, I wouldn't stop going to church. I'd stop eating to have gas to go to church before I stopped going. I'd be on a permanent, might I add involuntary, fast! hahaha My church is awesome! I have a great Pastor, my brothers and sisters are amazing and everyone sticks together. I've never really understood love, or knew what it looked like, until I attended this church. I am always excited the night before church, the day of church or leaving church to come to church again. Now if you only knew; I was baptized in 2008, so church is a fairly new thing to my life but I love it, mostly Him, so much! My life is so much better in His hands!
Welp, I could go on and on and on but I guess I'll find more productive things to do. If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this and understand how my mind works. Honestly, there's more to the madness but that would just drive you crazy...I only have my mind because HE kept it! *praise break*
I'll holla!
~Charity Faith~
Monday, May 9, 2011
Touch the Sky
My brother graduated from the Air Force last month. It was in Texas and I was excited because I'd never been to Texas but I was nervous because I had never flown by myself before. I was sure that I was going to end up stranded somewhere for the weekend because I got lost in the airport.
I was dropped off at the airport and as I sat there waiting to board the plane, I found myself observing the people around. Most of them looked fairly unpleasant as they waited. When it was time to board, we walked down a flight of stairs and onto the asphalt. I saw the little 50ish passenger plane and thought, "Oh no! I remember all that my mom has said about these planes...she hates these planes! She refuses to ride on them and says that you can feel every bit of turbulence on them. OOOOOOOOOH MY!" I didn't too much have a choice so I boarded.
The only thing I really wanted was the window seat. Luckily that's the seat that I had. I was sitting next to a business man who was with a group of other business men in their blue button up shirts, ties and suit jackets. They made some inside office joke and laughed. I found myself looking out of the window, watching the men in yellow jackets make sure everything was on the plane. When the plane started moving I thought, "Anyone who can drive a plane in reverse has mad whip skills!" I later learned that the plane is pushed back by a crew on another machine. lol
All the while the stewardesses were giving us instructions, I was thinking about taxiing. How do they know which lane to pick? How do they know how much time to wait before laying on the gas and taking flight after the plane before it? I got the important parts though - the oxygen mask will fall in front of my face, put it on before helping Mr. Business Man. If we crash into water, my seat cushion is a floatation device. I'm good! They eventually sat down and we finished taxiing preparing for take off.
The anticipation built as we waited to move. Then the pilot put his foot on the gas and we went from a slow roll to a really fast pace and before you knew it, the tires were coming off of the ground. I looked straight ahead to see the angle at which we were ascending and then back out of the window. The earth is so beautiful. There were green trees, hills, mountains, rivers winding through the landscape. It was beautiful; the sun glistened off of the water, the birds soared through the sky.I couldn't help but to think of the magnitude of God. I mean, He created this whole world, this is His artwork. What was even more amazing is that the same God who created such a beautiful world also created me. In fact, I am the masterpiece. Psalms 139:14 says, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." The Bible never talks about how great the earth is but it does say that it shall pass away. On the other hand, my soul is eternal. Two things, created by the great Creator, fashioned in the same hands and while I am very small on a global scale, I am very big/important to God.
As we ascended, we landed among the clouds. They were so big and fluffy! It was almost like being in Honey, I Shrunk The Kids and we got lost in the toiletry bin. We would fly through a cloud and experience a little turbulence due to the change is pressure but when we come out, it's like a wonderland of cotton! All I wanted to do was bounce from fluff to fluff, stretch out on one of them and look at the stars. Yes, yes; I know they wouldn't hold my weight but that didn't keep me from wanting to feel it. Then I thought about heaven. I know there are streets paved with gold and gates of pearl but will we sleep on clouds? Will we ever experience the clouds first hand? I guess it won't matter too much then, we'll be caught up in seeing Jesus n'em!
We eventually got to Memphis and I thought back to what my friend told me, "Find the terminal and then find the gate." As soon as I came out of the tunnel I found my flight on the screen and walked as fast as I could to get to where I needed to be. Needless to say, I made it. I grabbed a bite to eat and some goodies to take on the plane. This one was a lot bigger. I had the window seat again and I shared a row with two older ladies who were sisters. They were going to visit one of their sons in San Antonio. They were so cute! The one closest to me had onion breath and I knew my friend would die to see her in a white coat before Easter. When I had my Zune out, she asked me questions about the touchscreen capabilities, wireless internet, etc.
I was so tired from the night before that I practically passed out when I was able to put in my headphones. I woke up at one point and looked out of the window and the sky was crystal clear. There was a rainbow of color from the green ground, some orange, yellow and blue, up to the black night sky. It was amazing! Even better was the little storm cloud off in the distance. It stood by itself...there were no other clouds near it at all. From above you could tell that it was full of water just as much as seeing it from below. It appeared small enough to hold in the palm of my hand and watch it light up like a toy. The lightening made the cloud flicker colors of orange and blue. I've never felt closer to God than when I was flying. It was like I was experiencing through world from His point of view...having a chance to smile at the things He smiles at.
Coming in to San Antonio was beautiful. I do not like rollercoasters but I enjoyed the descending. We would drop and then accelerate, level out and then drop again, accelerate and then level out. The closer we got to the ground, the brighter the lights became until you were able to make distinctions between buildings, cars and street lights. Most importantly, I was excited to see my family.
While my one brother is graduating from the Air Force, his twin had just come home from Afghanistan and I hadn't seen him in over a year. Our planes dropped us off at two different spots of the airport but when we found each other there were hugs and kisses and comments about size and hair and all the things that have changed since the last time we were all together. I know this moment was most special for mom because this was the first time in over a year that all of her children were at the same place at the same time.
This weekend I realized how close my brothers and I have become. I asked the Marine if he purposely put me in window seats because I liked them and he said, "No. It's a safety factor. I learned that the window seats are the most safe and the seats that are 1-2 rows behind the exit in the middle of the plane." When I thought about it, that's exactly where I sat on the planes - a window seat 1-2 rows behind the exit window. My brother was protecting me without me knowing it. I often call them my big little brothers and they call me their little big sister. They stand at least 6 ft. They always walk beside me, most times we link arms, but they're like my body guards. We look out for each other no matter what and we never have a conversation without saying "I love you." I love my brothers until the end of time.
Someone once asked me, considering the fact that my brother was in Afghanistan, how I dealt with him being over there and not worrying whether he would make it home or if he would have his sanity. At the time I couldn't think of anything except that I talk to him enough to know he's the same person that left. I thought about it more that weekend - because I do not get to talk to them all of the time I think about what it would be like to never speak to them again, for the down time to become reality. It is then when I appreciate the fact that they are still alive and love them that much more. We, as humans, do not appreciate the lives of others as much as we should and when they're gone, we have regrets.
Anywho, while watching my Airman become an Airman and sitting next to the Marine I thought about how proud I was of them. They've come into their own...found their place in the world. There's nothing greater than really finding that place where you fit. Looking at them made me reflect on my life and how we're all adults. My little brothers are now my little men...and not so little, actually.
I was really sad to leave when it was all over. The three of us hadn't been together in over a year and I felt a love that I hadn't felt before and I had to walk away from it. The Airman said when he gets leave he's picking up the Marine and they're road tripping to my house. You have no idea the foolishness that goes down when the three of us are together. It's hilarity to the max!
I got to the airport extremely early and there were a lot of people in fatigue sitting with loved ones before their flight left. The one thing I'll never forget is when the silence was interrupted by a little girl screaming, "Bye Daddy! Daddy, bye! BYE DADDY!!!" She had to be about 3 or 4 years old. She stood there with her brothers waving their American flags. Their mother stood behind them sobbing lightly as they say goodbye to their husband and father. He turns around and waves and then disappears into the tunnel. There was 3 seconds of silence before the little girl cried, "DAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYY!!!!" The mom crouches down to console her and whisper words of comfort. In the moment, I thought about how hard it was for them to say goodbye to the man of their house but in retrospect, it had to be harder for him to hear his little girl cry for him and not being able to go back. I wondered if that's what my brothers' families will have to go through.
The whole way home I was consumed with the thought of life. Am I where I want to be? Have I accomplished all that I could have up to this point? I'm in my mid-twenties...am I in position to buy a car, a house, enter into a marriage? Do my behaviors and actions reflect that of a woman in her mid-twenties? I finally came to the conclusion that despite whatever shortcomings and things I need to work on, I am content with where I am. Furthermore, I purpose to walk in the will of God so my steps are ordered. I've never felt so close to God than when I was in the sky and reflecting on His majesty. I must remember, no matter what it looks like, whatever "it" may be, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Some say the sky is the limit but I've already touched the sky...my height in Him is limitless.
~Charity Faith~
I was dropped off at the airport and as I sat there waiting to board the plane, I found myself observing the people around. Most of them looked fairly unpleasant as they waited. When it was time to board, we walked down a flight of stairs and onto the asphalt. I saw the little 50ish passenger plane and thought, "Oh no! I remember all that my mom has said about these planes...she hates these planes! She refuses to ride on them and says that you can feel every bit of turbulence on them. OOOOOOOOOH MY!" I didn't too much have a choice so I boarded.
The only thing I really wanted was the window seat. Luckily that's the seat that I had. I was sitting next to a business man who was with a group of other business men in their blue button up shirts, ties and suit jackets. They made some inside office joke and laughed. I found myself looking out of the window, watching the men in yellow jackets make sure everything was on the plane. When the plane started moving I thought, "Anyone who can drive a plane in reverse has mad whip skills!" I later learned that the plane is pushed back by a crew on another machine. lol
All the while the stewardesses were giving us instructions, I was thinking about taxiing. How do they know which lane to pick? How do they know how much time to wait before laying on the gas and taking flight after the plane before it? I got the important parts though - the oxygen mask will fall in front of my face, put it on before helping Mr. Business Man. If we crash into water, my seat cushion is a floatation device. I'm good! They eventually sat down and we finished taxiing preparing for take off.
The anticipation built as we waited to move. Then the pilot put his foot on the gas and we went from a slow roll to a really fast pace and before you knew it, the tires were coming off of the ground. I looked straight ahead to see the angle at which we were ascending and then back out of the window. The earth is so beautiful. There were green trees, hills, mountains, rivers winding through the landscape. It was beautiful; the sun glistened off of the water, the birds soared through the sky.I couldn't help but to think of the magnitude of God. I mean, He created this whole world, this is His artwork. What was even more amazing is that the same God who created such a beautiful world also created me. In fact, I am the masterpiece. Psalms 139:14 says, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." The Bible never talks about how great the earth is but it does say that it shall pass away. On the other hand, my soul is eternal. Two things, created by the great Creator, fashioned in the same hands and while I am very small on a global scale, I am very big/important to God.
As we ascended, we landed among the clouds. They were so big and fluffy! It was almost like being in Honey, I Shrunk The Kids and we got lost in the toiletry bin. We would fly through a cloud and experience a little turbulence due to the change is pressure but when we come out, it's like a wonderland of cotton! All I wanted to do was bounce from fluff to fluff, stretch out on one of them and look at the stars. Yes, yes; I know they wouldn't hold my weight but that didn't keep me from wanting to feel it. Then I thought about heaven. I know there are streets paved with gold and gates of pearl but will we sleep on clouds? Will we ever experience the clouds first hand? I guess it won't matter too much then, we'll be caught up in seeing Jesus n'em!
We eventually got to Memphis and I thought back to what my friend told me, "Find the terminal and then find the gate." As soon as I came out of the tunnel I found my flight on the screen and walked as fast as I could to get to where I needed to be. Needless to say, I made it. I grabbed a bite to eat and some goodies to take on the plane. This one was a lot bigger. I had the window seat again and I shared a row with two older ladies who were sisters. They were going to visit one of their sons in San Antonio. They were so cute! The one closest to me had onion breath and I knew my friend would die to see her in a white coat before Easter. When I had my Zune out, she asked me questions about the touchscreen capabilities, wireless internet, etc.
I was so tired from the night before that I practically passed out when I was able to put in my headphones. I woke up at one point and looked out of the window and the sky was crystal clear. There was a rainbow of color from the green ground, some orange, yellow and blue, up to the black night sky. It was amazing! Even better was the little storm cloud off in the distance. It stood by itself...there were no other clouds near it at all. From above you could tell that it was full of water just as much as seeing it from below. It appeared small enough to hold in the palm of my hand and watch it light up like a toy. The lightening made the cloud flicker colors of orange and blue. I've never felt closer to God than when I was flying. It was like I was experiencing through world from His point of view...having a chance to smile at the things He smiles at.
Coming in to San Antonio was beautiful. I do not like rollercoasters but I enjoyed the descending. We would drop and then accelerate, level out and then drop again, accelerate and then level out. The closer we got to the ground, the brighter the lights became until you were able to make distinctions between buildings, cars and street lights. Most importantly, I was excited to see my family.
While my one brother is graduating from the Air Force, his twin had just come home from Afghanistan and I hadn't seen him in over a year. Our planes dropped us off at two different spots of the airport but when we found each other there were hugs and kisses and comments about size and hair and all the things that have changed since the last time we were all together. I know this moment was most special for mom because this was the first time in over a year that all of her children were at the same place at the same time.
This weekend I realized how close my brothers and I have become. I asked the Marine if he purposely put me in window seats because I liked them and he said, "No. It's a safety factor. I learned that the window seats are the most safe and the seats that are 1-2 rows behind the exit in the middle of the plane." When I thought about it, that's exactly where I sat on the planes - a window seat 1-2 rows behind the exit window. My brother was protecting me without me knowing it. I often call them my big little brothers and they call me their little big sister. They stand at least 6 ft. They always walk beside me, most times we link arms, but they're like my body guards. We look out for each other no matter what and we never have a conversation without saying "I love you." I love my brothers until the end of time.
Someone once asked me, considering the fact that my brother was in Afghanistan, how I dealt with him being over there and not worrying whether he would make it home or if he would have his sanity. At the time I couldn't think of anything except that I talk to him enough to know he's the same person that left. I thought about it more that weekend - because I do not get to talk to them all of the time I think about what it would be like to never speak to them again, for the down time to become reality. It is then when I appreciate the fact that they are still alive and love them that much more. We, as humans, do not appreciate the lives of others as much as we should and when they're gone, we have regrets.
Anywho, while watching my Airman become an Airman and sitting next to the Marine I thought about how proud I was of them. They've come into their own...found their place in the world. There's nothing greater than really finding that place where you fit. Looking at them made me reflect on my life and how we're all adults. My little brothers are now my little men...and not so little, actually.
I was really sad to leave when it was all over. The three of us hadn't been together in over a year and I felt a love that I hadn't felt before and I had to walk away from it. The Airman said when he gets leave he's picking up the Marine and they're road tripping to my house. You have no idea the foolishness that goes down when the three of us are together. It's hilarity to the max!
I got to the airport extremely early and there were a lot of people in fatigue sitting with loved ones before their flight left. The one thing I'll never forget is when the silence was interrupted by a little girl screaming, "Bye Daddy! Daddy, bye! BYE DADDY!!!" She had to be about 3 or 4 years old. She stood there with her brothers waving their American flags. Their mother stood behind them sobbing lightly as they say goodbye to their husband and father. He turns around and waves and then disappears into the tunnel. There was 3 seconds of silence before the little girl cried, "DAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYY!!!!" The mom crouches down to console her and whisper words of comfort. In the moment, I thought about how hard it was for them to say goodbye to the man of their house but in retrospect, it had to be harder for him to hear his little girl cry for him and not being able to go back. I wondered if that's what my brothers' families will have to go through.
The whole way home I was consumed with the thought of life. Am I where I want to be? Have I accomplished all that I could have up to this point? I'm in my mid-twenties...am I in position to buy a car, a house, enter into a marriage? Do my behaviors and actions reflect that of a woman in her mid-twenties? I finally came to the conclusion that despite whatever shortcomings and things I need to work on, I am content with where I am. Furthermore, I purpose to walk in the will of God so my steps are ordered. I've never felt so close to God than when I was in the sky and reflecting on His majesty. I must remember, no matter what it looks like, whatever "it" may be, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Some say the sky is the limit but I've already touched the sky...my height in Him is limitless.
~Charity Faith~
Sunday, May 8, 2011
The Author and Finisher of My Faith
It's been a year since the last time I blogged. I created this blog to release frustration...to talk about things that I was going through because I didn't have anyone to talk to them about in person - everyone was suspect. Reading the previous blogs, it's obvious how much I've changed.
Pastor preached a sermon called, It's My Time (from 1 Samuel 1:26-28). He mentioned that Hannah was barren because God had closed up her womb. He said sometimes we aren't producing because God put a stop to it...He shut us up. His shutting us up is a good thing because we may be birthing in a season when we aren't quite right and the atmosphere for which we birth sets up the growth of this spiritual baby. So, it's a good thing but God never took away the desire to birth...or the anointing, power, gifts, etc.
In this year between blogs, I have gone through so much that I don't have enough space, time or energy to explain. Let's just say, I've gone through the wilderness, confronted a couple of pains, cleaned out a couple of wounds, laid on many altars, cried so many tears, lost loved ones, gained new ones, dealt with forgiveness...or the lack thereof, went through grief and realizing the reality of it all and then dealing with a calling to ministry. In a previous blog, I stated that I am a natural born writer. It's true, I was born to write. I was born to write because I am to tell my story through my words. Furthermore, I am called to preach and teach and I have to be able to effectively write up sermons and such that it will reach those who are lost. If I had went along with this blog in the time that I started it, it would have been full of bitterness, anger, resentment and a bunch of other deadly, poisonous things. Now that I am in a new place in life, the words that I write will be directed more toward life. I promise that these words will touch your heart beyond belief...they've touched mine! I have so many journals and each time I reread a journal it touches me as if I didn't write it.
I am beyond excited to write and share what God has given me to share OR to simply give you bits and pieces of my testimony. Today was a day that was really difficult as my brothers and I are dealing with family issues and I literally had to press into His presence. I sing on the praise team and instead of singing the songs we rehearsed, we sang He's Able by Darwin Hobbs and I Made It by Meaghan Williams. I needed these songs so much because it was a raise of faith to know that God will handle all of my issues, heartaches, pains, insecurities, finances, meals...He's Able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we could ever ask or think. And serving notice to the devil, I MADE IT and IT'S OVER! I refuse to let him continue to try to put me into depression or anger or bitterness or unforgiveness or doubt. My God is big enough and that settles it!
After shouting until my throat hurt and dancing until my chest felt like it was burning, I was out of breath and my legs felt like rubber, praising God for just being who He is and lifting the burden of family issues, etc., Pastor handed me my minister's license. That really sealed the deal. It sealed my faith, my calling, my walk, my tears, my prayers, my pain, my studying...none of it was in vain. It's my time and I was born for this! I will forever press to get into the presence of God for He is worthy to be praised and He's beyond deserving of it all!
Welp, I don't know how to close this blog without going in so, let me leave you with this: Raise your faith! Don't wait until the battle is over; SHOUT NOW!!!
~Charity Faith~
Pastor preached a sermon called, It's My Time (from 1 Samuel 1:26-28). He mentioned that Hannah was barren because God had closed up her womb. He said sometimes we aren't producing because God put a stop to it...He shut us up. His shutting us up is a good thing because we may be birthing in a season when we aren't quite right and the atmosphere for which we birth sets up the growth of this spiritual baby. So, it's a good thing but God never took away the desire to birth...or the anointing, power, gifts, etc.
In this year between blogs, I have gone through so much that I don't have enough space, time or energy to explain. Let's just say, I've gone through the wilderness, confronted a couple of pains, cleaned out a couple of wounds, laid on many altars, cried so many tears, lost loved ones, gained new ones, dealt with forgiveness...or the lack thereof, went through grief and realizing the reality of it all and then dealing with a calling to ministry. In a previous blog, I stated that I am a natural born writer. It's true, I was born to write. I was born to write because I am to tell my story through my words. Furthermore, I am called to preach and teach and I have to be able to effectively write up sermons and such that it will reach those who are lost. If I had went along with this blog in the time that I started it, it would have been full of bitterness, anger, resentment and a bunch of other deadly, poisonous things. Now that I am in a new place in life, the words that I write will be directed more toward life. I promise that these words will touch your heart beyond belief...they've touched mine! I have so many journals and each time I reread a journal it touches me as if I didn't write it.
I am beyond excited to write and share what God has given me to share OR to simply give you bits and pieces of my testimony. Today was a day that was really difficult as my brothers and I are dealing with family issues and I literally had to press into His presence. I sing on the praise team and instead of singing the songs we rehearsed, we sang He's Able by Darwin Hobbs and I Made It by Meaghan Williams. I needed these songs so much because it was a raise of faith to know that God will handle all of my issues, heartaches, pains, insecurities, finances, meals...He's Able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we could ever ask or think. And serving notice to the devil, I MADE IT and IT'S OVER! I refuse to let him continue to try to put me into depression or anger or bitterness or unforgiveness or doubt. My God is big enough and that settles it!
After shouting until my throat hurt and dancing until my chest felt like it was burning, I was out of breath and my legs felt like rubber, praising God for just being who He is and lifting the burden of family issues, etc., Pastor handed me my minister's license. That really sealed the deal. It sealed my faith, my calling, my walk, my tears, my prayers, my pain, my studying...none of it was in vain. It's my time and I was born for this! I will forever press to get into the presence of God for He is worthy to be praised and He's beyond deserving of it all!
Welp, I don't know how to close this blog without going in so, let me leave you with this: Raise your faith! Don't wait until the battle is over; SHOUT NOW!!!
~Charity Faith~
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